That January Feeling

trusting yourself with something new

I love the way January feels. The air is crisp, tree branches stretch out clean and open across the sky. Life just feels new and fresh somehow, like a blank page. Everything seems possible in January.

I’ve also noticed an extra five million people at the gym lately. While on the one hand this means I have to wait longer for anything I might need for my own workout, I love that this wave of people have decided to roll with the energy of a new year and get into habits that support their best life.

I’m feeling relieved this year because this is the first time I’ve actually kept a consistent routine with strength training, and seeing everyone new coming back or just starting makes me really proud of all of us. It kind of makes me want to make a group announcement or something to let everyone know I see them, and just to hang in there because it’s so worth it!!!

It also reminds me of how I awkward I felt when I first started lifting weights, wondering the whole time if I was even doing it correctly, feeling like maybe every single person in the gym was noticing how super not-good-at-this I was. I would often just do a couple straightforward things and then make my way back to the cardio area where life is simpler.

I think I finally realized, if I actually want to do this, maybe I should hire someone to help me. So I did. And it was a great decision, because I’ve realized two things about myself…

Number one, I hate a learning curve. I really don’t enjoy the part where I’m bad at something I want to be good at, which is inevitable when you’re doing something you’ve never done before. Having a coach has been kind of like GPS, taking me on the quickest route to my goals so I’m not left working hard and wondering if I’m even going the right direction.

And also, I really benefit from accountability. It’s way too easy for me to make myself an elaborate excuse for why I’m not going to do what I said I would. Disappointing someone else, especially when I’m paying them, is much more difficult. Which usually means it feels more worth it to just show up and get my workout done.

I was diagnosed recently with ADHD, and learning more about this has been really interesting and honestly validating for me. It explains so many things that I’ve struggled with over the years. Starting things enthusiastically, but often not being able to make myself follow through consistently to create a sustainable habit or routine. Procrastinating things that feel difficult. But also being a perfectionist. Wanting something to be perfect right away if I’m going to bother to do it.

I think starting something new involves a lot of bravery and optimism. There’s an idea you have about what you could accomplish and who you could become that you have to believe in to get started. And once you’re on path toward what you want, you have to trust yourself that even though this present version of you isn’t where you want to be yet, you have the potential to get yourself there.

Years ago, I had a yoga instructor who would say to the class during a difficult part of the practice, “Yes you can. Of course you can.”

Such a simple mantra, but it’s come back to me in difficult moments across my life. It seems in those times when the challenge of what’s being asked of me goes beyond what I’m comfortable with, the most important variable becomes self-belief. Can I do this? Even if I’ve never done it before? Even if it feels possibly too difficult?

We all hold so much potential in ourselves to create and become the people we most want to be, and I think the inspiration we have to reach for those things is because those future versions of us are also reaching back toward us, pulling us forward. We have to believe that we’ll get there, and be patient with the process that will turn us into who we’re meant to become.

Like clean, open branches, reaching across the sky. Just wait until Spring. You’ll never guess how much will change.